Noms Opinion | F**ck the FroYo
- Nom
- Dec 2, 2016
- 4 min read
That first word is not “Flick” either. What is froyo anyway? I mean - I guess It’s my job to tell you instead of just writing rhetorical questions. Froyo is slang for frozen yogurt - And it sucks. It really really sucks, unless of course for some unknown reason, probably a similar genetic defect, that you ACTUALLY like froyo better than ice cream or custard. Where are all of the frozen custard places down here in the South and why is that only a Northern thing? Dang, again, I guess I need to figure that one out and tell you. Here goes nothing!
Ice Cream is considered Ice Cream if it has at least 20 percent milk solids and 10 percent milk fat by weight. The better more expensive brands are fattier and have milk fat ranges between 15 to 18 percent. Milk and cream are typically used. Sweeteners account for another 15 percent of the total makeup. Soft serves typically will have less butterfat than non-soft serve.
Frozen Custard is really almost the same thing as ice cream with the addition of one magical ingredient, egg yolk. Legally, custard only needs to contain 1.4 percent egg yolk. However, typically the more yolk, the better. The egg yolk is what makes custard richer and creamier than just regular old ice cream.
Frozen Yogurt blends yogurt (milk fermented with yogurt cultures) with an ice cream base of milk, cream and sweetener. This gives froyo a much more sweet and tangy taste as compared to ice cream. There is a lot of disputed science surrounding the benefits of the probiotics of yogurt cultures, but if you do believe in that or if your doctor is telling you to eat probiotics, this is surely a benefit for you and I can forgive you for eating it.
Now get this, custard originated in Coney Island, New York. But an even more FUN fact may be that Milwaukee, Wisconsin has the densest population of Frozen Custard joints in the world. Shoutout to Gillies, Kopp’s, Storheims, Culvers, and Leons. Is my midwest showing yet? Now that we know that, yes indeed, custard is a Northern thing, I still have no clue why its not more popular in the south. Is it too healthy? I mean...Deep fried oreos are a thing down here.
I had a point to make here somewhere. Oh yeah. It’s not worth it to substitute froyo in the name of Ice Cream just for your health. If you’re trying to cut calories while you treat yourself... why cheat yourself? One bad meal is not going to make you fat, just like one good meal is not going to make you skinny.
If you’re a numbers person, let's look at the numbers: Froyo - 159 calories per 100g, Ice Cream - 207 calories per 100g and Frozen Custard comes in at 122 calories per 100 grams. For those of you who struggle with grams (weight) relating to inches (size) well… 100 grams is about half of an apples worth of ice cream. These numbers are all averages and will change based on brand and what flavors and toppings you get.
So now the question is, “Is it really worth saving the 50 calories to get an ice cream knockoff?” The answer is no. Just plain no. It’s not worth it. It’s like buying a fake Louis Vuitton purse for 25% off the price of the real thing. Are you crazy? You are going to crave, crave and crave until you cave. So why not just have it now and do so responsibly and with that nasty word “moderation”? Let me tell you how to burn 50 calories so you can have ice cream.
You can:
Hula Hoop for 8 minutes (or try to)
Conduct an imaginary orchestra for to the 3 movements of Moonlight Sonata.
Type an email for 20 minutes. (Not on your phone)
Vacuum two rooms in your house
Chew Gum for 5 hours
Give someone a backrub
Mow your lawn for 8 minutes (then get someone else to finish)
Wash your car
Play hop-scotch for 5 minutes
...you get the idea. It doesn’t really take much of anything to burn 50 calories. So instead of sacrificing what you DO want for something you don’t; why not just have your stinkin’ ice cream? If you bought tickets to go see Katy Perry sing “Friday Night”, you probably aren't going to be content with listening to Rebecca Black sing “Friday” for 25% off of what you paid. OK
Get your fix. Listen to your body and work with it. Compromise doesn’t have to mean cutting out what you love (like puppies) and replacing it with something less lovable (like a fish for a pet). It is this type of logic that has given children nightmares before the first day of kindergarten. Why would ANYONE buy their children Roseart crayons when the Crayola brand are only 20 cents more expensive. That may be better than broken hand-me-down crayons...but not much. Don’t make your kids suffer. Don’t make yourself suffer.
Just eat the ice cream.
(And if for some reason you actually prefer frozen yogurt over ice cream or custard, you should probably go see a therapist. This isn’t normal.)
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